happy snow day on the east coast of the US!
Self-sabotage: Such a loaded phrase, isn't it?
We all do it, or have done it, or fall into it. None of us are immune to this at some point or other.
So, when are YOU going to release it and follow through?
How does it start?
A simple insecurity can trigger it.
A simple "yeah, but..." can paralyze you.
It's a reaction to something much, much deeper.
I see self-sabotage regularly in the studio. It's one of those things that is often more obvious to someone outside of it - especially if that someone has dealt with it personally as well (!!). Takes one to know one.
I do not chastise you for the self-sabotage. Sometimes it's simply a form of self-preservation, or control, or something.
However, I will challenge you about it. Why? Because if you say one thing and then go against that, why shouldn't I say something?
Many of us who work with singers and actors regularly are always amazed at the ability to self-sabotage on epic levels. It can happen so easily, and so gradually, sometimes I don't even think you realize you've done it for yourself.
How do we challenge ourselves to not fall down this particular rabbit hole?
Here are some ideas:
Who holds you accountable?
Do you have that person in your world who will call you on your shit? I mean, REALLY call you, not enable you?
We do not need people who tell us what we want to here: we need those people who will tell us what we NEED to hear. Find that person. Demand the truth from them. Prepare for it.
Are you willing to look at your language?
What you say in public, what you say in a voice session, what you complain about online, all reveals something about you and where you are and what you want, what you have and what are fearful of.
Check that language. What are you hiding from?
Are you excuse ridden? Are you deflecting? Are you "fabulous" all the time? Is everything "great"?
Any extreme reveals some sort of sabotage. Check it.
Is there drama?
Is there "Kaflamma"?
This generally means distraction. With distraction comes excuses. With excuses comes sabotage.
Why are you doing something?
What AREN'T you doing something?
What's your first answer to these questions? Now, sit and breathe, and REALLY answer it.
What protects you by using sabotage?
What does it actually protect you from?
Is it working?
But, Susan, you might be saying, it's just HARD. I am NOT sabotaging. It's just HARD.
What's hard exactly?
Are you in the same place as last year? Why or why not?
What can YOU change to begin to move forward? What have you NOT changed in order to stay EXACTLY IN THE SAME PLACE.
The great things about choices: you can always TRY something, and if it's not working, you can MAKE ANOTHER CHOICE. That's action-oriented.
Self-sabotage makes no choice but to stay stuck.
You have choice. No, you REALLY do!
Make a choice, make a NEW choice, find a new class, a different teacher or even a consultation to get a different perspective! We can learn from EVERY situation. If we start a possibility with "yeah but..." we lose the possibility before we even acknowledge.
Every possibility has a "maybe". Don't shut it down before you start!
So, on a day that has made you stop - a day full of storm and snow - give yourself permission to say "I WANT TO...."
Dream a little...
What do you want to achieve? What could you change or suggest or explore to perhaps explore a slightly different perspective in order to keep pursuing that achievement?
Say you are a scared. That's the first step of releasing the self-sabotage.
Say you aren't sure.
Say you don't know.
Say you have no idea.
All these things are not failures, or flaws. These things open the possibilities.
Possibilities are scary as hell. Possibilities make you breathe differently. Possibilities allow you to dream again.
So are you going to feel dragged down by PFO letters, no audition or no call back, or are you going to say, "NO".
Are you going to surrender to the self-sabotage?
Are you going to pretend?
Are you going to create another reality that only YOU live?
That takes a great deal of energy - more than you really can deal with. Sadly the self-sabotage and delusion is yours, and yours alone.
Or, are you going to say, "NO WAY."
Are you going to relinquish the chip on your shoulder, the excuses, the jazz hands and pretend? All coping mechanisms, and needed in moments but not something you can rely on in the long run.
Are you going to build on that shallowness, or get your hands dirty and dig into it all and say NO MORE SABOTAGE!
Decide to seek truth.
Decide to seek change.
Decide to claim what you have.
Decide to claim and develop what you do not yet own.
Be still, feel it all, mourn it, and release it.
The people that see you clearly, will rejoice with you, not blame you!
Dare to discover YOU and what YOU need. You find that when it's time to find it.
However, it's you and ONLY you, and nobody can claim it but you. You have nobody to blame if you don't. You have nobody to answer to, if you DO!
Releasing self-sabotage allows us a new day, a clean slate, and an opportunity to pursue and develop and claim ALL of what we are meant to do and be.
Take the time it takes to find it all, release it all, develop it all - and make excuses for NOTHING.
HAPPY "YOU" YEAR!
I dare you...
Susan Eichhorn Young covers all things voice—strong and sophisticated singing and speaking.
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