Can't, Don't, Won't

welcome to March!

Auditions are in full swing in the Music Theatre community...

Auditions continue in the Operatic community....

It can be a very busy and overwhelming time of year.

How are you doing?

This is the time of year I often re-visit how I am talking to myself,  as I see all kinds of psyches in the studio!  I see the can't, the don't, and the won't...

As artists,  we have an incredible ability to self-doubt.  That's not a criticism, it's an observation, because I DO IT TOO.  Self-doubt doesn't have to be a negative:  it gives us permission to find more, and achieve more, and push ourselves to reveal more, if we allow the doubt to motivate us, not debilitate us.

Our "self-talk" is crucial and it also it important to acknowledge it and see if it needs tweaking or changing.  Behavior can't be "stopped",  but it can be replaced.

Deciding how we are going to self-speak without delusion  (WAAAAAY above my pay grade) is always an important discussion.

What are you saying to yourself?  What are you saying out loud?  What do others hear?

As I challenge myself,  I challenge every singer that walks in the studio with their self-language.  We often don't realize how we self-sabotage just with a word which then becomes a thought, which then becomes a behavior,  which then gets in our way.

How many of us have been told to get out of our own way?  Hmmmm.

"Can't" easily is an excuse.  Remember, this is not exclusive,  but more a way to discover HOW you speak to yourself and when it happens, and why it happens.

"I can't get out of bed to get to that audition call."

Well, unless you are sick or dying,  yes you can.  CAN'T is the excuse of something else.

Maybe you don't want to.  Maybe you're exhausted.  Maybe you're scared.  Maybe you're confused.

What would happen if you took a step away from "can't" and got to the crux?

"I can get out of bed,  but I don't want to."

Fair.

Do you HAVE to?  Is there something that relying on you to DO that task?

Each statement reveals another question that gets you to the real answer that you need to claim and then DO something with.

"I can't learn all this music."  

"I can't decide what to sing."

"I can't decide what to wear."

Unless you honestly CANNOT,  this is stress management talking.

That's okay.  We ALL DO IT.  Move past the "can't" to figure out why that word?

As you move past "can't"  we get to "don't".

"I don't wanna."

okay - that's honest enough.  But, WHY?  Never settle for the can't, don't, won't.  Figure out why the dismissal.

"I don't have time."   "I don't have the money."  "I don't have the aria/song prepared."  "I don't...xzy"

Why don't you?  And you cannot answer with "can't"!!

Do you WANT to?  If your answer is no,  then that is something you can work with to find out what you want and what you DO have time/money/energy/passion for!  If the answer is yes,  then what is in your way for that time/money/preparation/action/energy/passion?

Won't.

"I won't audition for them again."

"I won't sing that again."

"I won't use that monologue."

"I won't..."

Again,  why?  "Won't"  is beginning to claim a decision.  A decision can be unconscious but if you say it out loud, it becomes conscious.  When the conscious CHOICE allows you to create a boundary that is positive,  "won't" works if you know why.  When you know why,  you can claim the choice and create a behavior that replaces the one you aren't going to do again!

Our vocabulary reveals much about where we are.  It's not always easy to look into that particular mirror,  but if we choose to explore the artistic nature of who we are, and if we choose to embark on the passive/aggressive love affair of the business of show,  then we must DEMAND of ourselves that check in, and that honesty.  It isn't about being hard on yourself;  it is about being HONEST.  The honesty can be tough,  but it will give us direction and clarity.

That doesn't mean if you self-speak light, love and glitter bombs that you are being honest with yourself either!   Stress management and delusion live on either side of the veil.  The truth is somewhere in the middle.

I can't....why?  Answer it immediately so there's no time to meddle.  Then continue to riddle it through to a logical end for that question,  on that day.

I don't...why?

I won't...why?

These words need to be there for each of us to find our boundaries and our behaviors.

Claim them;  answer them;  laugh at them;  take a big breath and DO YOU.

Sometimes it turns into:

I can...

I do...

I will....

Susan Eichhorn Young covers all things voice—strong and sophisticated singing and speaking. 

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