Associations
No, I am not talking about unions or memberships! (although there is much going on in that realm at the moment within our industry too!)
What I have been musing over this week is the associations we have with study.
If you think back over your years of study - private, college/university - what associations do you have?
Good, bad or ugly - or all of the above - I think we could agree that there is cell memory. There is a visceral response to recalling the association with a time, a place, a teacher.
I do not want to issue a trigger warning for this blog, and so I want to look into NOW and FORWARD. Many of us had trauma in our studies in some way, shape or form, at some point. Yes, trauma.
During this time in history, we, as an industry, we as artists within this industry, are taking time to truly look deeply, respond deeply, and work for real change. Systemic change in our industry is crucial and necessary & is not up for debate. We are seeing & sensing this shift, because we are demanding it to do so.
Systemic change needs acknowledgement in our cell memory too. The deep work is required for us to acknowledge and observe WHY we do what we do; why we respond the way we do; and NOW, what we will create in behavior, and consciousness, moving forward.
Some of my musings about associations have led me back to something I have spoken of often: I would love to meld together the “classical” mindset of process & study & focus without the overkill of asking for permission to do every little thing, with the “theatrical” mindset of coloring outside the lines, exploration and try it anyway without the pretense of thinking you have it all figured out last minute.
What if that is association?
This is a responsibility that the artist needs to take on in order to create boundaries, and to say no; and to say yes.
This is a responsibility for every teacher, coach, director, choreographer, music director, conductor, who creates a space for artists to inhabit and to play, in order to find permissions & possibilities.
What has happened to create that “neediness” within the classical mindset? Why do we always think what we are doing might be wrong? Why do we just stop singing in a lesson? Why are we anticipating we going to be stopped before we take a breath? Why can’t we bring ideas, repertoire, auditions to our spaces without dread? Why do we feel the need to ask for permission to do pretty much anything?
Association. Something is built into that association within the context of our study that continues to feed into our subconscious.
What has happened to create that “I can learn it the night before” attitude within the theatre mindset? Why do we often see “it’s good enough” - when we all know it’s not? We will just push through, when we know we shouldn’t? Why do we just want to sing the 16 bar cut over and over and never work on the voice itself that sings it?
Association.
Now, obviously these are wide & extreme examples to make a larger point of reference.
And, of course, you are now saying, for godssake Susan, we have a pandemic, systemic racism & sexism to realize and clean up and fix and work on, we have political insanity, our industry is not back up and running, and now you are throwing ASSOCIATIONS at me?!?!
Ah, my dear reader, it’s all part of the same system. It is simply something YOU have the control over to change within your own cells, your own thoughts, your own responses, your own choices.
Right now, when so much feels out of control, we can control this. We can change this within ourselves. We can change the associations.
This is also about those of us who teach, who coach, who lead, who direct. We have those associations too. What are we doing to change the spaces we create so those associations we have had to deal with in our past do not creep into what we are creating NOW? If we do not acknowledge and change these, we perpetuate them, bring them into the spaces we create and continue to feed into them, intentionally or not.
I often tell enquiring singers who are wanting to study with me, that I work hard to create an environment that I would want to have as a singer. I know what triggers me, and what did trigger me as a singer/actor still pursuing study. I refuse to allow those triggers to enter my teaching space and so by naming them, I can take away the power they may or may not have for me, and potentially for the singer. I’ll share a couple of them here.
Obligation. In this studio, you are under NO obligation. Obligation does not, for me, inspire a space of safety to explore and discover. You are never going to be made to feel as if you haven’t been in the studio enough! You come into this space to work, to seek, to discover WITH me, when you are able, as you are able.
Starting with a new teacher does not mean starting over. We are not stripping your “technique” away; we are not stripping your psyche down. We are observing together where you are right now, and starting you precisely there. RIGHT HERE.
We can change our associations by acknowledging them, giving them a name, and releasing them, or in some cases, binding them up and containing them or burning them.
This is part of our self care, our self awareness, our ability to heal and our ability to grow. This is how we build up, lift up, encourage and develop ourselves and the other spirits around us.
I am always sad when I realize that so much of what “association” represents is negative. However, we have the possibility to change that into a new association that is healthy, strong and positive.
Let’s continue to observe and discover, and re-plant and re-root in the ways that make sense for us and the lives we want to live, and the legacies we want to nurture ongoing.
with fondness & fierceness,
Susan
