Validation

Happy Pride!

I was just re-watching a video of Trent Armand Kendall, who will forever be a true Renaissance man, friend, colleague, confidante and gone much too soon. He passed 3 years ago today, and he continues to inspire and teach through his legacy.

The word “validation” came up in this particular video I was re-watching. The theme of validation has been distinct this week.

What is it? Where is it? Do I look for it? Do I lean into it?

Often, validation is closely rubbing shoulders with another delight: imposter syndrome. These two have an interesting dance.

In my experience, the further you lean away from yourself to find validation, the closer that imposter syndrome dances, and the more crippling it becomes.

Imposter syndrome tends to grab us tightly when something is important. Just that awareness can release us from its grip if we stay present with it. What we often do, is hide, or stop, or hesitate, or self-sabotage, or look for the validation outside of ourselves, making us vulnerable to responses that are not helpful at best, and at worst, devastating.

Yes, it’s great to get the external validation of your work, your process, your talent through different means. HOWEVER, you will not attract a true validation from outside yourself, until you reveal it to yourself, through yourself, first.

This is the work. This is recognition.

Now, more than ever, as we re-enter into our world, and into the industry we choose to navigate, we can make decisions and choices so much more clearly.

Do not get hung up in the desperation of not having performed, auditioned, studied, etc etc for over a year. There is no room for desperation in validation. It will only create a stronger onion & garlic breath in the imposter syndrome that wants to keep slow dancing with you!!!

Be present. Allow the thoughts, the feelings to come up and be acknowledged.

Let those thoughts and feelings live in the breath, and the body sensation. Allow with no value judgement.

Acknowledge your triggers. They are YOUR triggers. They don’t belong to anybody else but you. They are no one else’s responsibility, but yours. Give permission to see them and to reflect them accurately. Then, release whatever causes those triggers to question, to irritate, to exaggerate negatively. Sometimes it’s something or someone on your social media: unfollow. Sometimes it’s a song on your playlist: delete. Sometimes it’s an aria or a 16 bar cut: take it out of your book. Sometimes it’s a class you were taking: stop taking it.

Permission to acknowledge and delete and create a new boundary that YOU determine! (And perhaps that permission is a type of validation too?)

Acknowledge what the triggers do in your body, and in your self-talk. Validate those and then begin to release them. Slow dancing with self-sabotage is exhausting.

Ask questions! Asking questions helps you get more present, which allows you to truly form the validation from within that you deserve to experience.

Recognize the difference between validating from past experiences, versus self-sabotage from past experiences. Release the trigger of someone else’s or something’s response that froze you.

Emotions are not good or bad. They just are. How we respond to them, allows us to recognize the self-talk, the boundaries, the validation, and the release of self-sabotage, and the acknowledgement of imposter syndrome.

Ask ‘why” a lot. Prepare to listen for the answer, which might lead to another question.

Lean INTO your validation, recline against it. Let it support you, and cushion you. If you do not have that self-validation, it’s hard to say no; it’s hard to create needed boundaries; it’s hard to trust.

This doesn’t mean you cannot trust your inner circle for responses. However, if you are constantly leaning away from your self-validation, looking for it outside, you get further and further away from the truth and the authenticity of the core of you.

Know who you are. Get to know who you are. Trust that is ENOUGH. In fact, that’s INCREDIBLE.

with fondness & fierceness,