vulnerability & sexy indifference
I do not take credit for “sexy indifference”. That is all from Jason Bateman. However, I use it regularly. And I always give him the kudos!
I was reminded this week about my vulnerability oh yet again. How difficult it can be, and how needed and necessary it is to evoke authenticity and mirror back what is needed to be seen, or what is possible to be seen.
True vulnerability is not performative. It is the deep, true desire to reveal and embody strength and courage. Performative vulnerability is about the ego and oversharing and seeking validation.
The opposite of that is finding an authentic sense of boundary as an artist in order to embody ourselves and who we might be portraying.
This authentic sense of boundary is multi-layered: not just for the character we might be playing, but for the human beings we are. Trusting that vulnerability informs that authentic sense of boundary and gives us the a true boundary of sexy indifference.
Sometimes I get messages from clients who say “I just can’t sing this, I am sorry. I just can’t have a lesson right now, I am sorry.”
I smile when I get those ones. Not because I am dismissive of their feelings, but because their feelings are authentic and their boundaries are revealing themselves even if it’s confusing.
If you can’t sing it - GOOD. If you can’t have a lesson right now - GOOD. What is that revealing about you right now? Where does your vulnerability need to be in this moment?
And sometimes I get messages that say “I need Susan time ASAP!” And I smile. Why? Because that client needs themselves and wants the safe place that I can hold space for.
Vulnerability needs recognition. Not applause, recognition. Vulnerability doesn’t need to be liked. It needs to be honored and supported.
Artists need boundaries for their vulnerability so it can truly release in that space. Artists need to practice sexy indifference to find that boundary effectively. Both of these concepts are controlled by the artist through their boundaries and awareness.
“Please hire me” doesn’t get you hired. “I will do anything you need” doesn’t make you likeable. “What do you need?” doesn’t make you trustworthy.
How do you provide vulnerability through boundary along with sexy indifference? Here is the magic question. The answer is not always easy, but it’s not always hard either. It might be easier than you think.
Can you remain vulnerable enough to do the work with being performative? Can you create an authentic boundary with excuse or explanation? And can you do it all with a sexy indifference that doesn’t cost you, and intrigues them?
It’s a short blog post today - but one I hope resonates with you and gives you something to lean into!
with fondness & fierceness,
