When I was your age...

No, I am not going into the vault. However, if you think that those of us of a certain age don’t get it, haven’t been touched by “it” - you are wrong. We have survived too. Well, some of us survived. Some did not.

And yet, some of the behavior we were subject to, is still being perpetuated in 2023.

Why? What’s the payoff?

Did you not take up the therapy that is available?? It’s not too late you know.

There is no excuse, and I mean, NO EXCUSE, for ridiculing or demeaning a singer in public space. If a young artist/emerging artist is standing on stage, vulnerable, wanting to learn, if you take a shot at them and demean them in public space, you are revealing more about you than them. Full Stop.

Yes, this has happened for decades. It doesn’t make it right. It doesn’t create an atmosphere of trust, or of safety to explore and develop. All it does is reveal the insecurity and shallowness of the person spewing the nasties.

I have seen this happen in auditions, in rehearsals, in master classes, in lessons, in coachings.

My question is, why? What makes you feel this behavior is beneficial? Or am I asking a more complex question than the answer deserves?

Who are you there to serve?

Criticism can be constructive. It should be. Destructive behavior doesn’t need to be part of the equation.

What does it serve? Truly?

You don’t need to blow air up someone’s butt. If you are working with young artists, or older ones for that matter, change isn’t going to happen with negative dismissal.

If you are about the craft and the art of what you say you stand for, then stand for that. Challenge and support those who are pursuing it! Do not denigrate and ridicule an artist who is standing before you.

If you default to dismissal or mind games, what does this say about you? It’s easy to be mean. It takes no imagination, no intellect, no depth to be mean or dismissive. If you are this person, shame on you. Mind games don’t reveal a brilliant mind. Quite the contrary.

If you are about anything real, anything true, anything art-filled, then you need to get creative, find answers, develop true intellect and meet an artist where they are. If you spout you are in the corner of the artist, the proof is your behavior.

Now, there will be performers that need a reality check. I get that. That can be done with generosity of spirit, gentleness and boundaries. It does not need to be delivered in anger, dismissal or blanket statements.

You do not have to embrace and feed a neurosis, nor a delusion. You can encourage and create a safe place to discover what is possible, and gently create a focus on what would be a good direction. The choice must be given to the performer to choose. If they choose the delusion, then we can only do so much to change that.

Life is not black and white.

Art is not black and white.

Talent is not black and white.

Direction and focus is everything. If we dismiss these, or are limited by these, we fail.

We, of a certain age, have to make a conscious decision not to replay and perpetuate the behavior that was often thrust upon us. If we recognize that behavior, we can change it. If we know better, we can do better.

If we recognize what happened to us, what happened to a friend or colleague, we can change it.

Artists, find that team that lifts you up while you discover what you can do.

You do not need someone to tell you that you are perfect. You need someone to celebrate what you have, what you do and what is possible.

You don’t need to stop and fix with every breath.

You need permission to continue and falter, and figure out in the moment how you change gears and change your course, and empower your purpose.

You need a safe place you can trust to discover, to color outside the lines, to get messy, to question, to collapse and then pick up the pieces and breathe them together - WITH NO VALUE JUDGEMENT.

Find that place. They exist, I promise.

with fondness & fierceness,